I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize