Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
