Will you blow on my dice?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The best revenge is premature balding
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
