After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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