It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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