sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
