I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
