why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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