I cannot find my penis.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
