i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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