We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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