The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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