Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
