A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
