I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
