the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
