your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Boobs speak an international language.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
