guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
