I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
