it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
