all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
