just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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