Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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