I met the friendliest cop last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
