i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
