Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
