You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
