You're my little dorito
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
