allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i barfeds in our rink
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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