Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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