Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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