i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
