I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
is it fun? or sober?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
