we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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