I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
