I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dick very happy bro
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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