Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize