Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
