Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
