I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
