yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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