and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
