Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
