evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
