That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
