If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
