True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
