I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
