areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize