yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
