it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
