But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
