ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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