At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
