Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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