whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
