I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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