I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
