ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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