i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize