I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize