OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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