the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
