I cannot find my penis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
