it hurts more in the daytime
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize