Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
